dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
