Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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