I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want to fling myself into the sun
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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