i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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