Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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