So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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