My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
