You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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