I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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