Your face is a jimmy john
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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