I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
well most of my day revolves around power hour
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
