she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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