I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to have your abortion
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
