You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
