Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
