when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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