he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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