WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
