how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
