no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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