he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
