Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
