my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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