just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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