I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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