I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
