Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
