My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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