Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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