I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is Oprah even human
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
