Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
