If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
