After last night, I could never be a politician.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
