ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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