bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
