I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
