I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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