Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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