aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
