there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
