CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
