John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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