It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
