chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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