u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
