What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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