So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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