She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
