ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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