I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
