Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
