The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
