What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
