new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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