i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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